Number 1

OK - let us contemplate moments of weakness over the past 18-19 days...and the effects of said moments:

Yeah, I called the evil boy who doesn't give a shit about me on NYE. Now why would I do something so stupid?
1) I was drinking. Whiskey. By Myself. On New Year's Eve.
2) Because I could. Really. No sneaking around, no whispering, no hiding. There was a good song playing and I could call him and not get in trouble. So there.

Now, random phone calls with songs playing is a bit stalkerish - I know. OTOH there is quite a bit of Wolf Parade history.

Now I just sound pathetic. Just go with the above 2 reasons.

So - result of my actions - get this - I'm wallowing in self pity (surprise, surprise) and for some reason read all of these old e-mails from him (where I swear he liked me and even the ones where he didn't like me so much) and decide to check his blog to infuriate myself because that's what people like me do when they want to hate themselves some more. And there's a message to me. Something about someone leaving a Wolf Parade message on his VM (btw - I just dialed the phone drunk and held it up to play the music and then hung up - no words, I swear) and if it is the one person he knows who might do that...they should stop reading and never come back again b/c there is nothing for that person (me) there.

No shit. I knew that in April when I found it. Jackass.

However - here's when things get super funny. When was this lovely note to me published? The night I went apeshit on my sister and stared at the phone for 30 minutes rather than call him to get me drugs. God I'm happy I had the small bit of self worth to not call him. I still wish I had the drugs.

Next up - the soon to be ex and his amazing professional life. He met Yo Yo Ma last night. The Dali Lama is coming to his place of employment. He's been invited to Athens and Scotland this spring. And the friends that picked him instead of me when we split up are flying him out to Portland in the spring. I get my dog back for 4 days. I have to see him tonight to get some money. I still won't tell him my new address.

And now I'm getting sent home from work. I'm accruing too much OT. So I have the next 2 days off. You know, I'd rather come to work. It's something to do.

Tomorrow is the party for my mom. And the spa. God I miss baseball. I would kill for an excuse to get drunk during the day on Friday.

I need to drink more.

2 beers on monday night knocked me out good. And i'm too skinny right now - I could use a beer gut.

And more of the SXSW listings came out today. Goldfrapp - Number 1 is my new favorite disco song. They're playing. Oxford Collapse is playing. The Magic Numbers are playing. Battle is playing. The Editors are playing. Guess who's going? THE EVIL SISTER. Steve Lamacq will be there. I told her that I didn't hear her thing on the radio. She e-mailed me the link. I can't escape it. I swear this doesn't happen to other people.

BUT - maybe i'll go and get Artic Monkeys tix on Friday w/ the money that the ex owes me (and he makes 3x as much as I do which is even more fucked up). It's an all ages show @ Metro and I was getting pissy about it until I realized that the band themselves are 19. They can't play 21+ shows.

And Stars are in town on 2/17. Watch me be a raging maniac and sing all of the songs aloud. I like because there are girl parts and boy parts that I actually change my voice depending on who's singing.

Anywho - if anyone reads this do something fun this weekend. I'm going to try and cause trouble. I need some of that.