merry christmas from the family

not so merry christmas here...

actually - i hate christmas. it brings out all of my insecurities.

i just started sobbing at work. so not pretty.

so my sister is limiting her family time because of the boy. i don't know - it's just bringing out the worst in me. i already feel so not worthwhile - her rejection of the rest of her family just hurts me so much. i have to let it go - but it's really not my finest moment.

i'm the girl who left her husband. i'm the girl who has to bum a ride. i'm the girl who can't give any presents. i'm the girl who has nothing to offer. and the girl who has everything to offer won't give anything. and doesn't really care.

i know that i can't make her care. it's also not the boy's fault. i fought and fought for years to spend time with my family. i guess it's just so hard to see her dismiss them outright. i let her know that she needs to spend time with them - she said it's 'good advice'. she won't do it and i know that.

i just already feel enough nothingness - i hate to be rejected by her too.

i'm too tired, i'm too sad, i'm too lonely and i have nothing.

feliz navidad