Love's A Game

And I'm a loser....

I think the test is how much I can take in a period of 4 months....I don't know. I'm trying to be a grownup but I feel like an idiot.

I really didn't need to see him so often today. I needed to not have to deal with him today. I just need to accept that things are what they are and I fucked up. Dealing with this is just consequences for my actions.

It does seem brutal though. A little tact, a little kindness a little acknowledgement that it may be insanely horrible for him as well...but it probably isn't.

I hope he's happy. He doesn't really give a shit about me anyway. It's just hard. And sad.

Everything is so sad right now I really don't know what to do. I'm afraid to start crying, I may never stop. He just made my holidays so happy last year. I loved being in love with him.

I was lucky. I don't think many people get to let themselves feel like that. Right?

It's sad, I honor it and keep on moving on.
But to what?