Ro Sham Bo

Ahhhh...the feeling of humiliation and getting some.

Is there anything better?

So I met a cute boy on Friday night. I did dirty things with him. It was fun.

Unfortunately, it also was my sister's boyfriend's brother.

But we had the same birthday. That means something right? That it'll all be OK. Though he's supposedly such a slut that I probably have some disease. That's why we have drugs.

And I need to do some more drugs. Drugs are my friend. Being a slave to my parents is not fun.

2 more days until the apartment comes.
And then I can do dirty things there too....

Love's A Game

And I'm a loser....

I think the test is how much I can take in a period of 4 months....I don't know. I'm trying to be a grownup but I feel like an idiot.

I really didn't need to see him so often today. I needed to not have to deal with him today. I just need to accept that things are what they are and I fucked up. Dealing with this is just consequences for my actions.

It does seem brutal though. A little tact, a little kindness a little acknowledgement that it may be insanely horrible for him as well...but it probably isn't.

I hope he's happy. He doesn't really give a shit about me anyway. It's just hard. And sad.

Everything is so sad right now I really don't know what to do. I'm afraid to start crying, I may never stop. He just made my holidays so happy last year. I loved being in love with him.

I was lucky. I don't think many people get to let themselves feel like that. Right?

It's sad, I honor it and keep on moving on.
But to what?

happy birthday to me

Today I hit the big 3 - 1.

So what all I've learned in a year -
1) I massively prefer being fondled with the illicit boyfriend (that was last year) than being lonely and put in an all around weird place with the soon to be ex when HIS MOTHER HAS A HEART ATTACK!

2) My new boss threw me a big party at work - it was nice.

3) My life is weird.

4) I don't think I'll ever figure out what happened this year. It might just be too much.

5) One day I won't be lonely.

6) I'm OK on my own - I can deal with a lot of shit.

7) I hope that I never have to do this again.

8) I miss being in love.

9) Music can be your savior.

10) It's easy to be on the BBC! And I was!

11) I saw the Gates!

12) The universe is conspiring to bring you grand things.

13) Losing yourself in literature is a great thing.

demons

How many do you have?

I have many. I think i've learned to embrace them.

I have the book demon - I think I will name him Phil.
I have the music demon - she will be named Ruth.
I have the wanderlust demon - I shall name that Roy.
I have the unrequited love demon - I will name that demon evil, evil, evil Amy.

I was good this weekend - helped the moms out around the house - kept out of trouble, out of touch, out of emotional wickedness. I did read Someone I Loved - which was not fun - but also collegial in the whole 'i know someone cheated on you and ruined your life, however here is a breathtaking story of cheating on a spouse and losing the love of your life'. It was nice to read and make sure that I wasn't so nuts. To choose happiness instead of the social norm.

Sometimes i'm smart.

Now if I could just stop trying to figure out why he hates me so much...oh well. I think I can get the idea. Possibly the same way I hate the soon to be ex. I hate karma.

Blaah.

I'm a missed connection!

Albiet for the wrong sexual orientation - but I'm A Missed Connection!

"this is what a feminist looks like" at pride parade - w4w - 28
Date: 2005-11-03, 9:46AM CST

To the cutie with the short hair and great smile- I saw you waaaaaaaaay back at the pride parade, wearing a t-shirt that said "this is what a feminist looks like". I told you I liked your shirt and you said thanks- we went our separate ways. I still like your t-shirt.

this is in or around lakeview
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

How great is that! I love being an MC for a great t-shirt. I kinda wish she was a boy - but right now I'll take what I can get.