Stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

OK. I'm kinda sorta swooning. I went on a great, fantastic, use your favorite word here date last night. Damn. I think I got 4 hours of sleep. He was just so lovely. Not to mention cute. Affectionate. Smart. Silly. Good kisser. Good other things. Bought me beer. Lives in the hood. How lucky can I be.

Going to F1 tonight. I have a 5 day weekend. I'm in the VIP section for the 4th of July Show. My surrogate Mom is taking me.

I am kinda grateful for the trip - I think I need a couple of days to continue to bask in the glow of a great night and not screw it up.

Wow.

Long Live Les Bleus!

OK - no time, and I need to update...

1. Bad date last week. Didn't matter. I went to 3 Sox games and Intonation.

2. What's up with angry boys? The bad date was with someone who kept on telling me how much he hated things. Actually I just enjoyed arguing with him. And he hated the White Sox. I do need to screen for this stuff.

3. Went to the game on Saturday with the old Random Boy. He took my tix, didn't buy me a beer and then when I told him he was taking me to a bar proceeded to tell me that he'd been dating someone else. OK, more power to him. However the thing that gets me if that freak can date someone for 2 months - why can't I? Dude wants to grow a tail and tells stories about terrorizing his ex. Nice guy but total egomaniac. He has a girlfriend? I should shut up - I dated him.

4. Tonight I'm meeting a boy I screened much better. I don't know how to explain my situation though. We've spoken of music, books, philosophy. He's an Industrial Designer with a motorcycle and he lives down the street. His pics aren't bad.

5. So I got 20 replies to an ad in CL. I responded to 2. The guy I'm meeting tonight and this super-cute photog. who I turned into a babbling little girl in front of. I scared a boy off! Hee.

6. I love the World Cup.

7. I'm going to F1 this weekend.

8. Need to fire the therapist - really. My old boss made me pinky swear.

9. Intonation review - whoa nelly for Rhymefest, Jon Brion and Bloc Party. Annie was fun, Pollard was good (and gave the shout out for Merge), Lupe Fiasco was OK - but Rhymefest just felt like the real deal. I like that I saw a lot more hip-hop than I would usually buy a ticket for. Long live the south side!

10. I got in a flame war w/ someone on the GB message board. I WON! I never win.

11. My perspective on the Ozzie controversy = dude has a 6th grade education. He needs to go to training, he needs to get fined. I love the fact that MLB is now declaring their support for the gay community!?! I love the fact that the discussion has turned to what is the role of sports columnists in the blog-riffic world.

12. Deadspin is such a problem. I can't even explain.

13. I dig the lists.

14. Latest muzak: Guillemots (made up love song no. 43), Richard Hawley, Destroyer (finally), Band of Horses (finally), Gnarls Barkley (finally). Getting my Pitchfork prep in.

15. World Cup + White Sox Baseball + F1 w/o Schumacher winning everything = The greatest sports summer EVER.

Jackie Wilson Said

Oh, the joys of Van Morrison.

What's new...kinda sorta survived the weekend with the family.

OK - they kinda sorta survived me. I lost it. My sis was acting an ass again and I just lost it. I heart my hormones. I just picked the biggest fight with her in front of my mom & dad. It was great. She decided that she should plan Father's Day b/c her boyfriend hadn't seen my Mom since her surgery. I yelled at her 'Where the fuck do you think she's been?' My Dad was pretty funny, he just left. He called me to find out if everything was OK. I told him I tore the house apart. I'm different and they treat me different and they want to pretend that it's OK. I listed all the shit I've gone through in the past 8 months and pretty much told my family that they've been pretty fucking worthless. My mom I get - the rest of 'em. Fuck 'em.

Here's the list -
- Left an abusive relationship. Sorry, people who want to trap you in your own home and control all of your movements are scary and not right.
- Was homeless for 4 months.
- Gave up everything.
- Cared for ill family members.
- Worked for an institution that is now firing all of its senior management because they are corrupt motherfuckers who didn't give a shit about sick people.
- Had my heart broken in 47 places - really. I had an affair. I did because I loved someone. It was a bad idea but my motives were pure. He dumped me on my ass. I risked everything for a lie.

I don't want to hear about how 'strong' I am anymore. I want some fucking help. Sometimes you expect your family to help you. Instead they save up things for me to do on the weekends. I have literally aged 10 years in 8 months. My sister really doesn't give a shit. That hurts.

And then the cousin shit. She's crazy and an addict. She's totally playing my mom & grandma and that's her gig. I told them I refuse to apologize for having good things. They can enable all they want. I had to keep on bringing up points. She was really there to dog her Dad. I was saying things like 'she also adopted her neighbor's child and then married the father'. She has incredibly destructive behavior.

The therapist is mad at me b/c I had to postpone my appt. to go out with a friend. Sorry I have plans - FOR A CHANGE.

I installed my first air conditioner last night. I am so proud. And Marty played my song. Is it wrong to be so happy about a song that is a reply to one of your favorite songs EVER? I danced in the studio apartment.

I mean people are playing it too...it's so fun and cute. Are there any other songs that can be made in response to Lloyd Cole titles?

'Lloyd, I can tell you what's wrong with this picture.'
'Lloyd, I also love country music.'
'Lloyd, I wish I had perfect skin.'

I have a dinner tonight with this boy. I don't know if I'm quite feeling it. I have decided that we need to go to the park. Can't deal with the pressure of sitting across from somebody at a restaurant. I was in the Square last night and people were everywhere and it was quite enjoyable. I love the fact that I can spend evenings wandering.

3 White Sox games this week. 3. I have a problem.

What else - I sent the boy who couldn't have random sex with me an e-mail for his birthday. There is something to be said for saying - 'I have a new job' ha. ha. ha.

Intonation is this weekend too. Hmmmm. How can I go from total hermit status to way too much to do?

Tearing Up the Oxygen

I have been neglectful to the blog - actually re-discovering the web and working my fine ass off.

What else?

Got a great package from Merge - new Camera Obscura (I got the single and the album because I need to own things that say 'Lloyd, I'm Ready to be Heartbroken'). A Superchunk DVD and buttons and posters. So indie cool.

Hmmmm...

I'm reading a lot. I just broke out the LeCarre again. I felt the need for some George Smiley. It's just so good. Kinda like reading Fitzgerald.

Went to 2 shows this weekend. The sis has decided to re-insert herself into the family life. This should be interesting. Turns out my INSANE (she's been institutionalized - that kind of crazy) cousin is coming to stay with the mom & dad for a couple of days. My sister is trying to run interference. I swear she asked me why the crazy person doesn't want to talk to me.

I told my sister it's because my cousin hates me. I'm perfectly OK being hated by a crazy person. Sometimes I think it's a good thing to be disliked by the mentally ill. I dont' like that my cousin has spent all of our relationship comparing us. She's likes my mom & grandma a lot. I'm like that wacky family member that makes people laugh. I don't do the 'right thing' all the time but i'm not hated. It causes some fun rivalries. My cousin thinks that she was wronged somehow by not living near my Grandma. I am still trying to understand how this was my fault. When she was finally diagnosed 'crazy' my mom had to call me and we broke out laughing hysterically. I've said it for years. The girl is bonkers. Then again, my Grandmother totally enables her. I have a dream that they will live together in their delusion.

So my Mom knows that I'm not going to approve of this visit. She snuck it through through the sis. So my sister is trying to tell me that my Mom is in great shape, yadda yadda yadda. I'm kinda like - back off bitch. Who the hell are you? Where have you been?

My cousin is mentally ill. She is mentally ill with small children under the age of 6. She is hitching a ride to Chicago with someone from her AA group. My mom has agreed to room them for 3 days. I swear to god my dad will show up on my doorstep one night this week. Ha. Small children. Hee. What a horrible idea this is. My sister wants me to stay away. I want to see this. And frankly I've driven my Grandma to puppy class for 7 weeks now and I'll see that dog graduate. Dammit. I just don't think my Mom is going to be up for a big excursion on Sunday. It might be a bit much.

I have to remember not to talk to my sister. Why is she so mean? I don't know - it's funny. Her and her boy have decided to take over Father's Day. Whatever. I found the perfect gift and she didn't. So there. That's why I'm cooler.

No, I'm not. But I'm just not the piece of shit she makes me feel like I am.

So there.

Passage of the Day

From The Russian Girl by Kingsley Amis

'What, darling? Oh, she's a Russian girl he met through his college thing. It seems she's a poet, and he thinks she's a good one. Well, he'd know, I suppose. The story on her, or on them ...is that he's meant to be getting a lot of poets and people together to get somebody out of prison somewhere in Russia. Er...does that sound likely to you?'

'No, and I can't understand it, either. How do you mean, get some poets together to get someone out of a Russian gaol? Are they going in by parachute? In which case why poets? They're about the last - '

'Well it doesn't sound likely to me, darling,' said Cordelia.

====================================================================================

I laughed out loud on the train. The vision of English poets rescuing anyone out of a Russian Gaol amuses for hours.

The Ghost in You

Oy.

I am feeling the summer. Having dreams of romance and all that crap.

I'm such a sap. Really.

So - I've determined that I need a cute indie rock boy to play with me this summer. How do I do this? I quit looking and just roll with it. Right?

Had a weekend of books and baseball. Ah, the way it's supposed to be.

The book swap was fantabulous. It kept me on budget for the book fair. Blew the budget at Field's though. But I have new cute black high heeled sandals that make my legs look good. I think I'm done with the summer wardrobe now.

I'm broke like no joke until the 15th. Then my previous job gets ITS HEAD OUT OF ITS ASS and pays me the money it owes me. Can I tell you how I am so happy to get out of that fiscally incompetent institution?

I'm going to blow off the mean therapist too. Can't afford to see her. She'll have to deal.

Mom gets the brace off on the 28th. Yes - only 3 more weekends in the middle of nowhere. Actually it's not that bad. We laugh a lot. My dad and sis are worthless and defensive. If you don't help - you can't bitch. That's my rule.

Found an old friend. She dumped her boy and is bringing me to the Sox/Cards series! Yay me.

Now - lets see if I really get to go to Snow Patrol on Saturday. The sister mentioned something about a friend of the boyfriend playing at Schubas...I bet she blows me off. Eh, I'm going to Jill the next night and she is my hero. And I can walk there.

Can I live on PB&J for 9 days? We will find out.

My eyes! My eyes!

I just went to the eye doc for the first time in 6 years.

My eyes are broken.

Turns out that the tired thing isn't just having the 'wacky life'. One of my eyes is nearsighted and the other is farsighted. They thought I just broke the machine.

Why am I the girl who breaks the machine?

$230 later and tomorrow I will be the proud owner of 2 pairs of glasses. I wear the tan ones when I roam the streets and the black ones when I look @ the computer.

There will be a sports related post soon - regarding my AJ theories, Barbaro mishaps, the intensity of motorsports talking post Indy - all of the things I know I talk about entirely way too much (opposed to my emotional bitching on the blog).

Until then - Barbaro responds!

I laugh - because it's funny (and true)!

My books to exchange tonight:

Best American Non Required Reading 2002
Best American Non Required Reading 2004
The Evolution of Physics Einstein & Linfeld
Painting and Experience in 15th Century Italy Baxandall
Diary of an Unknown Cocteau
Perry Farrell Found atop my dumpster last night
A Room of One's Own/Two Guineas Woolf
In The Time of Butterflies Allende
A book of Joyce Carol Oates Short Stories
A Star Called Henry Doyle
The Daughter of the Queen of Sheba Lydon
One Dimensional Man Marcuse

Do I seem witty and well read? Do you think I'll be able to score some Rushdie? I think I need to read The Ground Beneath Her Feet and The Satanic Verses.

Need - not want - Need. Especially with my fancy new reading glasses.

6 Music is playing an acoustic version of 'I Need Love' by LL Cool J.

God bless the BBC.