That's No Way to Tell A Lie

OK - my lie is that I've been dizzy every day since Wednesday. It's managable now but it's not comfortable.

Eh. Maybe they can explain it on Friday.

Much work - stupid website.

What else? Had a lovely day with the cute boy on Sunday. You know what stops me from being dizzy? Gettin' it on. That I dig. I don't think it's the best cure - but it sure is fun.

I stayed late last night - hopefully I can get shit done today. Then again, I'm blogging.

Camera Obscura, Pitchfork this weekend. Viva Le Rock!

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. YOU MUST SEE A DOCTOR.

That I get...

However, when you tell me this and then leave me sitting in an office for over an hour - I'm not going to sit there anymore. Nope.

I don't care if I have cervical cancer. I can wait until Friday to find out. Really. Sit me on my ass on Friday. Not on a Monday where the panicky pregnant women will always be more important. Oh, and the MD has been on vacation for 2 weeks. Brilliant.

Rage seems to be a good cure for all of it.

I know i'm inexplicably passing out. But if you can Dx me or give me a reason to sit in your waiting room some more I will. But you don't. I have spent 2 of the last 4 days waiting in MD offices and frankly I'm sick of it.

My new cure is tequila and cigarettes and you'll have to deal with it.

God Give Me Strength

Until then I will just use Elvis Costello song titles.

OK - I will start with funny. Walking to Huttenbar last night to meet Corrine for the Sox game. See a truck for the Lincoln Meat Market. Their slogan - 'Nobody Beats Our Meat'. It made me laugh.

Another terrible date on Monday. He amused me though. Is it so wrong to sit and listen to another 'angry young man' and stare in relief that you don't have to deal with them from that moment forward? Why would you take pride in being a critical ass? You wonder why you can't have a relationship? And I quote, 'I told her what was wrong with her, but nobody ever tells me what's wrong with me.'

Quick tip: You don't shut up and you kicked a girl out for not cleaning up dog hair.

I'm a bit freaked about my health situation. I won't lie. But more for its social effects. How about the 31 y.o. divorced chick w/ a pacemaker. Or if I'm really lucky - cervical cancer, pacemaker and something involving me having to shave my head. That's sexy. Stupid body.

And now to the thing that is really breaking my heart: Lebanon. I just printed an entire section of the Guardian and some New Yorker archived articles about Hizbollah. I feel like I need to know. This is what scares me - this conflict started on the Egyptian border and has traveled all the way north to Lebanon. Towns that were cradles of civilization are destroyed. The citizens are trapped in a nightmare of terrorist groups and Israeli extremism. The people have nothing to do with it. How jacked is that?

I will have to read (probably mouth agape and with a sinking stomach) and try to figure out if I can get what the hell is going on. It might just be the beginning of the end of the world.

I told the sis' boyfriend that he should start by reading 'Exodus'. Funnily enough - in the Guardian timeline that's when the Lebanon stuff started. Tyre prison. Whoa. I actually understand the locations. But then it's things like Tripoli. It's so horrid.

If I said stop - do you think it would? Nope. That would be like stopping my drama.

Don't Go Home With Your Hard On

Yeah, I saw the Leonard Cohen movie last night.

He is a fine, fine man.

What is it about L. Cohen songs that makes me want to do dirty things? Me and new boy (recently over the Pox) were all over each other. I felt like I was 18. A much more responsible and sober 18 - but damn. And then other things happened.

Why do I feel like I'm writing this to 15 year old boys? I now carry a change purse - and I'm self-editing my blog? Eh, whatever.

So - I still can't figure him out. I think I surprised him last night. Here's my thing - I like sex. A lot. I like sex w/ people who seem to enjoy me. He fulfills my basic sexual requirements. I got a lot of looks of awe (which I don't mind). But he still can't tell me who he went out with Friday night. Hmmmm. So I'm playing it like 'I get sex' until I figure out what the hell is going on. Not a bad gig.

And then there was the rest of the weekend.

I guess I may have had a 'seizure' at the Hideout. My MD thinks it's vasovagal, my parents think I have my dad's heart defect - but it doesn't stop me from having to go and get tests and shit done for the NEXT MONTH.

I have no time for this. I said that when I came to. I made my sister take care of my Mom & Grandma. I'm putting my money on the Dad thing. 20 bucks I end up with a pacemaker by the end of the year. And what could be sexier on a 31 y.o. divorcee than A PACEMAKER?

That's hot.

Listen to James Dean Bradfield, 'That's No Way To Tell A Lie' is a great song.

I had sex yesterday. That's something, right?

The Ocean

Listen to the Richard Hawley album "Coles Corner". Fabulous and chill.

I e-mailed the boy today with my review of the Algren book club @ the Book Cellar last night:

The Nelson fest - OK. Well - it was interesting. I learned a bit about myself. Turns out I read differently than most people.

1. I read the book. I don't say "Well, I watched the movie and googled Algren." or "I don't like books that have dialects" (Dialect girl - U of C grad and writer for Gapers Block - classy).

2. I know entirely too much about Nelson Algren and Chicago. Movie dude tried to call me out on where Mike Royko grew up. What part of 'Above a tavern on Milwaukee' do you NOT understand?

3. For some reason I was the only person that knew he slept with Simone de Beauvoir.

4. I talk too much.

It's a hard book. I get that. Am I so weird that I get excited about the challenge? I know I didn’t read all of it yet, but I feel like I actually comprehended what I read. The girl who leads the discussion is a librarian for the love of god. She busted out questions from the web.

God, I am such a book snob. I will read the chick lit for next month and shut my mouth. 'Devil in the White City' is September though. That'll be fun.

I listened to this CD that I forgot I bought last night - Richard Hawley. You should listen to it. How do I do that fancy uploading thing so you can hear it? I can't figure it out because I'm too worried about people confusing empathy and sympathy. Sample sentence: Algren did not make the characters sympathetic in the least - but the genius is that you could empathize with them, they owned their choices.

Does that make sense?

How are you feeling today?

Chasing Cars

It's the song on the radio right now and I couldn't think of a witty title...

Whoa, I've been a busy girl.

New boy got the Chicken Pox. Don't worry - it's from his brother and I just had them (again). So that might explain the laying low. Many cute e-mails and a couple of long phone calls over the weekend. He does seem to have a group of 'other' girls though. And made a dirty reference regarding my futon last night. Hmmmm...maybe he does like me.

I think I'm getting used to Tapes 'n Tapes. Who knew?

Found a new favorite bar. Good beer, great jukebox, kinda divey and stumbling distance. Arcade Fire EP's! Bloc Party when I walked in! Indie rock peeps talking about the Touch and Go Shows! I think they should just put my name on the door. I went by myself to watch the horrid Sox game on Friday night. The ex called on the way home. Why is it that I'm nice to him when I'm drunk and he's an ass to me when he's drunk? I think that explains a lot.

Speaking of Sox...I saw 3 games in 2 days. There was no double header scheduled but nobody told Chicago or Boston on Sunday. 19 innings. Beer stopped in the 7th. It was hot. I stayed and my boy did it. Iguchi is a god. He's my favorite. I'm so proud. There is also a 14th Inning Stretch. 19 innings is just stupid by the way. I found it funny - there was a grandpa and his grandson behind me. The kid was like 'I want to go home', Grandpa made him stay. It was his first Sox game. He'll have something to remember.

Went to the Chica-go-go taping last Thursday. That was silly fun. I was a total wallflower though. I'm trying - but I just can't do stuff like that alone sometimes. For someone so obnoxious I get really shy when I have to do public things. I don't know what I'm afraid of - but I think I need to get over it.

Gapers Block books club tonight. I didn't finish the book, but I'm more interested in what other people say. I wonder if I will be invisible again. Sometimes I can do that. I like it - but I'm also wish that I knew what to do with new people. It's not easy to rebuild a social circle - especially at 31.

I had a dream about he who shall not be named. It had everything to do with the fact that he couldn't be near me because I couldn't be his. And we did it in a bathroom. Of course it had to be dirty. I vividly remember him telling me that he loved me but he wasn't going to wait for me. There was something about swimming to clean himself of the other girls he'd been with. I just nodded. There was crying. I get it - but it was just so sad.

I am moving on in so many ways but I feel like he haunts me. I've got to let it go. The thing that terrifies me the most though is that I really loved to love him and it wasn't enough. I can't imagine what would be more than that. Can I ever trust my heart again? I married someone who I really never wished harm to. I wanted the best for him and worked to help him get there - it wasn't enough. Then I fall in love with someone who tells me it's terrible.

I'm feeling kind of OK with a new boy. I don't think he likes the fact that I was married, so we'll see how long this lasts. I don't like the fact that I was married and it didn't work either. Shit happens.

You Got Me Off The Sofa....

Ok...F1 Weekend/Taste Weekend/New Boy/Sox vs. Cubs/World Cup

Damn - that's a lot.

Get the Guillemots. Seriously great album. Kinda crazy hippies, but in a good way. Not like My Morning Jacket. They were a jam band. I don't think I like jam bands. However I do like free beer and standing beside the stage. That I was good with. Went w/ the surrogate mother. She kept on saying that she was prohibiting me from flirting. Don't know - didn't mind the safety though.

SATURDAY 2 JULY 2006 WAS THE GREATEST SPORTS DAY EVER.
France defeats Brazil!
AJ hits a 3 run homer to SPANK the Cubs!
There was screaming and dancing. Clapping and jumping. Thierry Henry & Zidane and AJ all in one day? All in 1 hour? Totally makes up for the Sunday of doom.

Damn you Michael Schumacher and your Nazi Ferrari. I am sick of seeing you win and your red-draped minions. Kinda like the drama in my life - he's so boring.

What else...the sis and her boy lost my dad on Saturday night. That was funny. My dad acted an ass all weekend. Mom was OK. I now know the temperature of hell (100 degrees in the bleachers at IMS isn't too fun, really).

Saw new boy on Monday. Started pretty good and then, and then....I think we ran out of things in common. I think he's crushing on another girl. I think we might just have that bed thing in common. I think that's OK - but I don't think he's OK w/ it. He's like this crazy overachieving person. He has his house all gadgeted up. He knows nothing about sports.

However I believe that he is crushing on some girl that has a kid... I've only been out with him twice - but I feel like I should tell him to confess his feelings to her. I can live with a good first date.

Yup. I don't think he's going to talk to me anymore. I can give my speech and maybe we can hang out...I don't know. It does not help the ego at all.

I have deoderent all over my dress. Do I smell, no. Do I look a fool? Yes.

So I should run to the chiro - and possibly fire the therapist today? It might be time.

Maritime is playing Schuba's on the 13th. Whoa baby.

Boston series Saturday AND Sunday. Bobby Conn Saturday. Not too bad, eh?