This is It....

So - I was at this game. I must do a Sox blog entry soon

"Rowand would have had this"

Brilliant Mistake

I need to find less enjoyment in iTunes. Really.

So I get iTunes back 'round here...but there's sharing too! Do you think people are judging me on my downloaded songs? Am I cool enough? Are they as excited to see that I downloaded Belle & Sebastian and the Best of Elvis Costello?

Why is it that Elvis Costello is the best music ever for a rainy day? Not to mention a mind-numbing job like this one. It's not very thrilling - but I get paid so much more and can do things like get record album frames and a haircut after work.

Now there's a Found party at Intuit on Friday night. It's like Christmas in June!
1) book exchange @ the hideout
2) found party @ intuit
3) printers row book fair
4) white sox are back in town
5) jill and snow patrol next weekend

Though the Snow Patrol thing is now TBD. I don't know if I can deal with the sis. She's going to CA w/ the boy so he can interview. I get it - it's loooooove and he's leaving and it's horribly tragic. However, do you get to treat other people like your doormat? How can 2 people from the same genetic pool be so different? I left the ex and ended up taking my mom to cancer docs and doing all the holiday stuff...

I know I just need to let it go - and for a change I can this weekend. I get to do my kind of stuff and get excited and not get ripped on. Just to talk about books and celebrate the everyday. I swear that's all I need.

Oh! The new Netflix is Apted's 'Up' series...he followed these british kids every 7 years. I just finished '21 Up'. There's going to be some drama for '28'. I do dig the kid from Hampshire who should have been a sheep farmer and is now studying physics at Oxford. The rest of the kids pretty much did what they were expected. Except for the cute kid from Liverpool who is squatting...he's in trouble too.

I think about what I would do if I was filmed with my dreams. Thank God I wasn't. There is nothing worse than documentation of talking out of your ass. I suppose I'm more humble now - but really, maybe I'm just less self-assured?

Oh, Hell No.

Really.

What did I just catch myself ALMOST responding to? A CL ad by the evil ex boy.

OTOH, he posted it on Saturday night at 11 pm. Good to know his social life is as exciting as mine.

Let us see - the long weekend. Hung w/ the Moms. My dad & sis won't take her anywhere and she's stuck in the house all the time. I did go back to the city to go to a friend from the old job's par-tay.

I drank way too many $3 Summits. I think I'm still hung over. However, I befriended an alcoholic ticket broker who lives at Murphy's Bleachers. I can go to the crosstown with him @ Wrigley. Hmmm...he's 50, an alcoholic w/ a suspended license for a DUI, lives in the ticket brokers office AND...AND.... he's got a thing for some chick in Atlanta. I just listened.

I think I'm going to try my luck at the book exchange on thursday night. But, I do have his card if my Zoloft suddenly wears off.

OK - get this...I have to pick 15 books to exchange @ the Hideout on thursday. I have more than enough - but then you have to contemplate which ones. What do my books say about me? What to I want my books to say about me?

Not to mention - why oh why is Printers Row this weekend? And I get a big ass check?

Just say no. Maybe I can meet a cute boy who will go with me on Sunday? That could be cool.

The Mostest Overpaid Data Entry Gig EVER!!

That's the new job. I swear. It's quiet and I have my own office and a sweet computer with Craigslist, Blogger, Yahoo Mail, (all of my corrupting internet sites) and I forsee spending a lot of time doing a whole lotta nothing.

Except proofread spreadsheets and purchase orders.

This is a job?

And the whole hour lunch thing rocks too. Not to mention NO PAGER.

What else - The new Douglas Coupland is not too great. He wrote himself into it. Why? Is this his po-mo tech geek irony? Having his characters reference himself and laugh after...'That's so Doug Coupland'.

I get it - you're a cultural icon. Now shut up and write some sensitive wacky stories for me. Dammit.

BTW - 'Fake Tales of San Francisco' by the Artic Monkeys is fabulous.

To continue with the Month of Death...my E.M. Forster named doggie was put to sleep on Tuesday night. Yup. My first day of my new job. Don't worry - my family only called 6 times to tell me and I ignored them.

The dog was 14 years old.

She had no feeling in her back legs for possibly the past year.

She ran into walls.

THE DOG WAS 14 YEARS OLD AND SENILE. I loved her, shit, I raised her - but when she only has 1 functional leg left I think it's time. I don't know why my Dad and idiot sister are so surprised by this. I'm overcompensating and getting the cat. I'm going to name it Spot. Memento Mori for a dead dalmatian.

Speaking of idiot sister. Her 'old' friends are now expressing their displeasure with her idiocy. Which probably explains why I get called up to go to shows with them. She took me out to dinner on Monday and had to bring the sacred boyfriend and promptly told me again that she needed to leave mid-meal.

AND my therapist gave me shit about it. I'm sorry i'm so trusting that when someone asks me to dinner I say yes. I'm sorry I'm surprised that she continually cuts out on me in any social/family occasion. It's so rude that I just can't comprehend it. I'm still a bit crispy from our session yesterday. So I should stay away from her. I get that. The other the therapist can't get over is why I am determined to keep the ex out of my life.

I went off on her - he's a total control freak etc...give an inch, he takes a yard. Shit - I LEFT EVERYTHING rather than hear about my faults anymore. Really, between the ex and my sister it's a wonder that I can function. However she has no remorse to ask me for shit she knows is at my old place. Why does she need to borrow my sleeping bags when she drops at least $300/weekend on too expensive clothes?

Girl's got her head up her ass. That's pretty much it. I just need to stay away.

The ex makes shit up. Like my fandom of Alias and Lost. I wasn't even home in time to watch either of those shows. I watch BBC murder mysteries. WTF?


I need to dump the sister and the therapist. Joy.

How do you dump a therapist?

Oh - GET THE MARITIME ALBUM. Oh my god. So good. The new Josh Rouse only has a couple of good songs. However, I got it with a gift card so it's not wasted $$$$.

OOH - we get out at 3pm for Memorial Day! I love the for-profit world.

Reconstruct me from the tatters...

So, today is sunday and my White Sox BLEW IT.

The game yesterday was fun though. That's the one that I was at.

Just got back from Borders, my PCT's threw me a party on Thursday. There was food and gifts and crying. They will really miss me.

I don't quite get it.

However, I will not deny great kindness. I guess that I'm a bit nervous for Tuesday. I think I've made the right choice - but it's a little scary. I feel like I don't know much of anyone.

I'm off tomorrow. I'm going to Julius Meniel and reading the new Coupland. Oooh, the adventure.

Need to go and clean the pit of dispair.

Wish me luck.

Here's Where the Story Ends...

Well at least my story at this workplace, let us see - what have I learned in my almost 2 year tenure at the hospital 'o fun....

- Don't become romantically involved with a co-worker while married.

- See above.

- I can be good at a job and appreciated for it.

- How to direct the Sheriff's office when you are presented with a warrant for a patient.

- How to feed late admissions.

- How grown up manager types will pawn EVERYTHING off on subordinates.

- I smoke too many cigarettes.

- How to break up fisticuffs among family members.

- My good lord, nursing is a passive agressive profession.

- How to con people into working 7 days in a row.

- How to tell people you can't make plans with them because you have to work, AGAIN.

- I started blogging.

- I left my husband.

- I got my own apartment.

- I got to be on the BBC.

- I saw a bunch of good shows.

- I lived through disease and death.

- I went off and back on anti-depressants.

- I'm still totally cluttered.

- I accrued a ton of debt.

- I found a great lady to work for.

- The White Sox won the World Series! Go, go South Side. (yes, I'm still obsessed).

Other than that, it's been pretty dull. 3 more days and I'm free. It's quite liberating.

6 Music keeps on playing Teenage Fanclub. I heart Teenage Fanclub.

All Men Are Mortal

My sister's former roommate was killed on Sunday.

I went to the wake last night. I stood in line for 4 hours. My feet hurt.

I'm a good person in tragic situations, I'm just not a fan of my vocabulary. I start spewing stuff out of Homer or something. Silly things like when asked, "How are you?" my reply is "Mortal". Who answers like that? Then silly comments to the family about how honorable it is to have thousands of people come to the wake.

The sis was a hot mess. I was chill. I don't know - it's really tragic (she's got 2 kids under 3 years) but it happens. I understand it's not a popular viewpoint - but it's the truth. Injustice and tragedy occur everyday. It's our job to find a way to get through it. Some people use liquor or spirituality. I guess I use greek philosophy.

And...the most important part of this. I didn't really like her or her family. It was surreal - it's the first death i've experienced of someone I was 'social' with, however really tried to avoid post-high school. It was the right thing to do and I believe I brought comfort - but I was pissed off when my sister moved in with her. She was super nosy. She tried too hard. She was mean to people who were different. It's a family trait - I realize and they were surprised to seem me. But then I realized something else.

My sister is just like them.

Which reinforces my belief that I'm glad that I'm different. She was telling her boy stories about her and when she described them as 'royalty' I wanted to spit up my drink. They were very competitive and unfair. They hurt people and didn't give a shit. I get it was more social than anything else - but really - it was not someting to be extolled.

So to quote my girl Simone (see the title) I do feel mortal. That's OK.

May Day

I forgot the really cool thing from last weekend with all of this job stuff.

I'm reading american fiction again. Jay McInerney as a matter of fact. He was the reading I went to see on Sunday. It was fabulous.

Victoria Lautmann interviewed him and she was smart and funny. He spoke my language. See, I don't know spanish or french - but I know fiction. When he was asked about his favorite Fitzgerald short stories I started mouthing the answers...

May Day
Winter Dreams
The Ice Palace
A Diamond as Big as the Ritz

It's funny - it's what I know. I get Fitzgerald references. I get barbs directed at Joyce Carol Oates. Those are my friends. My imaginary friends who have spent so many days and nights with me...I forget that its such a hard language to learn - and that the buzz - oh the buzz that I get from connecting ideas with stories.

It's amazing.

So I am trying to find Donna Tartt tonight. Just reading vintage interviews gives me an idea of the magic of words. The english language is very bulky. We have rules that do not make any sense. But those who can create entirely different worlds with those words - those are my heroes. It is just lovely to bask in their beauty. It's just lovely to know they are there.

Oh My Goodness!

Tis my reaction to my big news yesterday.

I GOT A NEW JOB.

Who knew? It was so fast. I actually have marketable skills.

So now I'm leaving my crazy place. It's weird. This place has done a lot for me (and I a lot for it). It's my home in so many ways. But there is something to be said for my own office, working during daylight hours, SUMMER HOURS and cheap health insurance.

Did you hear that - SUMMER HOURS.

So this is what the rest of the world feels like?